Thursday, December 31, 2009

Miscount~DOH!

So we can be pretty retarded sometimes... we both are good with numbers but apparently can't count....

Since November only has 30 days, our count is short a day... grumble grumble....this is a bit of a bummer because I was getting a little stoked midday yesterday that no visitor had shown up.

So today is day 32, tomorrow I will be officially late according to the corrected count.

As I mentioned before, Im not sure when I would get my period this time around given my lil' follicles slow growth.... nothing like a lazy egg to throw a wrench into our schedule. So it is possible that I am not late tomorrow I could just have a longer cycle this time around.

I have noticed some pre-period symptons... my nether regions/abdomen feels a bit achy and my breasts are sore and swollen (this is also a symptom of pregnancy so we can throw this tell tale to the wayside for now) although I haven't been a complete bitch in the last couple days so this could be a promising token.... or my girl is lucking out this month with only having to deal with a mild case of my PMS.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Keeping the count

As you all know we have been tracking my cycle for sometime now... and my cycle seems to be normal give or take a day or two... We have found from keeping track my period typically occurs between the 29 and 32 days after the first day of my previous period. However this month my cycle stalled a bit so Im not quite sure what my count will be, Im assuming it will be around the 32 day mark.

It has been 10 days since the insemination and yesterday would have been 29 days since my previous period and Wednesday will be 32 days since my previous period... Making right now the longest part of the waiting limbo. We have decided to hold off on taking a pregnancy test until Friday which is the two week mark since the insemination.

We are hopeful but a little reserved.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Having a Cloud Baby

So Friday we went in for round number 3. I don't have a lot to do. I mean Melissa has to get on a scale, take her blood pressure, get half naked, have Doctors poke at her and make awkward compliments that I won't repeat. I have to sit. Sometimes I hold a coat or grab a Kleenex. It is a pretty easy job. Sometimes I find myself wanting the Dr. to give me an ultra sound too just cause I am curious like that.

So getting back to Friday, on insemination days I have what is really my only job ... I push the plunger. This way I feel like we are doing this whole baby thing together. If I wasn't there, the plunger wouldn't get pushed. I am like union labor.... no one else can do my job.

On Friday we had a new girl and the whole process was going well. MJ was nervous because last time was so painful. The Dr. was zipping right along and we started making chit chat like I usually do to help take MJ's mind off the poking and prodding. Well the Dr. and I were talking about a white elephant gift she received that she was thinking of hanging in the office. We were laughing and joking and all the sudden she said 'There we go all done"........

I was horrified. My heart sank because some stranger just did the one job that is mine. My one part of this beginning process. Some stranger just could have gotten my wife pregnant. I was about to well up into tears when all the sudden I looked onto the counter. And there it was like a fat clown in a tiny chair. A glaring oversight that was both unbelievable and a God send for my sad heart. On the counter sat our very expensive "sample" still full.

I quickly pointed out the oversight and the Dr. couldn't believe it. She had done the whole process with air. ha ha ... air! She apologized over and over while MJ and I wrapped our heads around what just happened. Poor MJ had to go through the process all over .. only this time I quickly told the Dr. that I wanted to do my job. And so it was.

As MJ laid on the table for the obligatory 10 minutes, we laughed at what had just transpired and the fact that she was inseminated with air.

Take aways
1. Tell the Doctor you want to push the plunger BEFORE she starts
2. Watch the Dr. and make sure she actually uses the sample
3. Keep a sense of humor about mistakes. They are bound to happen.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

In Business

That is where we are.... My girl is the sweetest and scheduled me in for an 80 minute hot stone massage on Sunday.... Which hit the spot and was exactly what I needed to relax and destress!

Monday's appointment was positive we found a growing follicle and put our money on it! Our Dr. thinks that Friday is the optimum day for insemination....So as of last night I had given myself my timing injection and am now waiting for 9 AM tomorrow morning to take the plunge....literally.

It would be great if this is the month but I think it may be best for my sanity to not focus too much on it... my body is going to do what it is going to do. The next couple weeks are crazy hectic at work for me so that can serve as a great distraction!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Stress Affect

Well another appointment down, another appointment made.

It seems my stress level is showing itself in my follicles stagnant growth thus far... We went in expecting to see bigger follicles and saw no growth... The topic of discussion at my appointment was my stress.

I have been very stressed the last couple of months and the fact that I am actually seeing its physical affects on the ultrasound screen really bothers me.

It is not much of a secret to those that know me that I am not a fan of my job... I do it for the paycheck and always hold hope that I will discover a career along the way that sparks my interest... It is also a known fact that my job is stressful, dealing with millions of dollars of other people's money day in and day out wears on your nerves. It doesn't help that this month marks our busiest most stressful time of year... for many December means holiday fun... for me it means pull my hair out and get through the piles of work that must be processed to the penny when moving amounts in the millions. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised my body is showing the toll it takes when Im stressing out... It's not just waking up with a sore jaw from gritting my teeth all night it's messing with my cycle.

My girl is very understanding and even thinks that I am putting an expectation for my body to perform which adds to the stress I am putting on myself, not to mention the stress from planning a move and the stress from living in small quarters...

She also thinks its ironic that my job is my biggest stresser but it is also my insurance that is making this affordable for us to even try... She is right it's my double edged sword.

So my perscription for the weekend is to have fun. We have another appointment set to do an ultrasound to check on my eggs Monday afternoon. Hopefully we will see some progress, if not we may be trying clomid next month to get my cycle on a schedule as it appears it may be veering off to irregularity thanks to stress.

In the words of my brother... I am a sad panda today, I can't help but feel responsible for not doing a better job at being stress free.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Consulted

The appointment went as anticipated... my follicles are slow to develop just like previous months thus another appointment has been scheduled to have a second ultrasound to determine when is the "optimum" time for our insemination for Friday morning.

I see this as a good thing... mostly because the days of December are flying by.... Our sperm order won't be in Denver until Friday and I still need to fill my prescription for Ovidrel... We all know I love to inject myself.

While at the Dr's office we were able to squeeze in a much needed consultation regarding our fertility plan... I say much needed because we both like to have a plan. I think it was a great conversation to have. The conversation confirmed that it is not that uncommon for this process to take up to 4-6 months. Our Dr. did agree that if we haven't had success this time or the next it would be beneficial to check my fallopian tubes for blockage... She said the process is uncomfortable because of "insert technical term here" (the cervical clamp) which if you read a previous blog may recall hurt and was a pain I felt throughout the day. She also mentioned that the fallopian tube procedure actually flushes out the tubes, and they have noticed a pattern of increased pregnancies the following insemination... So there is a little added hope should we have to go down that path.

Typically after this fallopian tube procedure has been done some couples choose to step it up a bit with a fertility aid. She covered the three options, clomid being the FDA approved least chance of mulitiples option. So if we decide to step it up that is probably the option we will go with. The other two options being (excuse the mispelling and possibly missnaming) Phemora and Gentropin. Phemora is not currently FDA approved, if I recall the chances of multiples is slightly increased but not as much as Clomid, it is currently under review by the NHIS (I think that is the name) as a previous poorly done study found it increased the chance of birth defects... Our Dr seemed to really think these results were unfounded... none the less we would rather stick with something FDA approved. The other option Gentropin (Im almost positive I have renamed it for the purposes of this blog) is a shot and it increases your chances of pregnancy by quite a bit.... however it also increases your chances of multiples by quite a bit... and not just twins... it increases triplets and quadrupelets as well... She didn't highly recommend this because this also increases the risk of the pregnancy significantly and even the chance that a reduction by selection may be necessary if the risk is too high. We would never want to have to make that choice so Clomid it is if we get to a point that we feel we need an aid.

My girl can probably discuss the technicalities better than I... I forget the technical names the second after they are said... sorry about that.

It's not too late for Thanksgiving is it?

I used to say if you expect $100 and get $10 you are unhappy, but if you expected $1 and got $10 you are happy. It is the same $10, but it looks so totally different based on what you wanted.

If we can learn to be thankful for what we have and not measure ourselves against what we think we should have, imagine how our lives might feel. So today I take a moment to be thankful that I have a place to live that is safe, and warm and filled with a woman who loves me and 3 dogs who think I magically make food appear. I am thankful for a supportive family and friends. And I am thankful for MJ who is willing to go through all this to have children with me.

It wasn't that long ago that children weren't even an option in my life. How quickly I forget where I came from. So today, as a venture to the Dr.'s to look at a screen hunting for little black orbs, I say "thank you God for the technology to do this and for the woman who is willing to get half naked on the table and go through all this for our family. She is amazing."

3 is a Prime Number

Admittedly so I like numbers... Perhaps it is because I was raised by a math teacher who home schooled me my kindergarten year. And in that year taught me to add and subtract in the 100s but didn't teach me the ABC s. Given this I can't help but smile at today... the start of our 3rd try is just littered with 3s.

Today the 9th day (3^2) of December that is the 12th month (3*4) at 3pm (1500 military time also 3*5) is my ultrasound appointment to check the size of my follicles. This appointment will be the beginning of determining my most fertile day of the month to get inseminated.

So in light of all these 3s let me join in the chorus of "3rd time's the charm" here's to feeling as positive as I can without setting myself up for heartache... A balance I think I am far from finding especially by stating my true feelings of being hopeful that this time there won't be any heartache to be had.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Keeping on the same course

So after a good discussion with my girl we have decided it really is too soon to deviate from our current course.

Realistically it takes most couples up to 6 months to get pregnant, why should we be any different. (In my head I finish that sentence with because we have to win silly!) My girl will also be the first to tell you that I am competitive about almost everything... I want to be better than everyone in the room in at least one thing... it's pathetic I know this. That being said our friend K managed to get knocked up by the second attempt, granted their method was different but still by unconventional means given she to is oh so gay... So part of my heartache this past month in it not working is we didn't even tie.... I have reminded myself this isn't something you can compete over this is our own journey. (In my head I want to say those are the words of a loser...see it's not healthy to be in my head).

Back to what I was attempting to write about, staying the course. My thought was that when you are working on a hypothesis you don't deviate or change up the formula until you have a good amount of data to draw conclusions from, at which point you recognize one variable change that one variable only, test it and gather more data... so scientifically two months of trying does not give us enough data to go changing the variables!

My girl researched our conundrum by contacting a friend of hers who did this process successfully a while back and found out that she didn't get pregnant until the 4th try... so competitively speaking I have one month to beat them.... or in a more socially acceptable manner this is proof that we will have success if we are patient.