Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
For weeks I have tried to make your bedtime 8. We go upstairs together. I feed you, change you, put on your jammies play with you and then rock and sing to you until you finally fall asleep at 10pm. Last week I finally gave up after evenings of defeat. And things have been great! 9:45 rolls around and I take you up to bed and within 15 minutes you are out.
So tonight - you were being crabby early. So I took you upstairs at about 8. And we did our usual routine. The same routine we do every night that always works. It ends with me holding you over my right shoulder while humming and holding your pacifier.
But not tonight ... nope. You decided you wanted something different. After 30 minutes of you fussing while I held you on my shoulder - like we do every night - I finally gave up and held you in a cradle hold. Within 5 minutes you were a sleep. And I put you in your bed .. and just like that you finally went to bed at 8:30.
Lessons I have learned
1. You are already strong willed and assertive.
2. I have to just go with the flow because every day is like a new day with you.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
So when it comes to Maggie, I realize I never use her name when I talk to her. Instead, out of who knows where, I have concocted a barrage of nicknames for her. First it was Pooh Bear which I shortened to just Pooh – which when spoken sounds like I am calling my daughter feces. At night, Maggie gets really crabby so I started calling her crab cake in the evenings. Then appeared Captain Pants??? Yes you read that right – Captain Pants. We even do the “pants dance” when she gets a diaper change. I have no idea where I got this name nor does it make any sense. What is worse is I am now just calling her captain. So last night the nicknames degraded even further – I started calling her snoodle. Snoodle isn’t even a word!?!
I realized that I have a history of this. For example, my bunny’s name was J.J. which stood for jumping jillikers. (Pronounced jill-a-kers). Then I called J.J. Jeeger Peeger. Then it became just Peeger. And finally is was just Peeg (like peach only with a J at the end.) Zia has become pocket rocket or just pocket for short. Odin Ranger – now just Oat. And Marley we call Jonesy. Apparently no person or animal is safe.
I am starting to fear for my daughter’s development. How will she ever recognize her name when I am calling her Captain and Crab Cake? I mean sure it’s cute and the Pants Dance could qualify for being on some kids show, but I don’t want my kid unable to respond to her own name or some teacher saying “Magdalynn – I will not call you Captain in my class.”
‘sigh’ I guess I will just have to do it and start calling Maggie …. well …. Maggie.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
My mom always use to tell me that when she was raising us she would have moments when she would crave adult interaction... lots of them in fact. Which made sense, I had a taste of what being around kids a lot was like... But its different but not... and its only the beginning, I don't think I do truely understand just what she meant just yet... in fact I dont think I am making any sense writing this blog.
Thus far I feel like I have become inept in holding a conversation. I guess for me I feel like I don't have much to bring to the conversation. My life is taking care of Maggie, and I have found I love what I do, and Seana loves what I do so talking to her comes with ease. However, there isn't a whole lot to share about my day to my friends or visitors.
Maggie does like 5 things in a day: sleeps, eats, poops, cries and looks around. These 5 things... well 4 things... the sleeping doesn't really count... it takes up the majority of my day. (Which by the way, I love watching her when she is looking around and learning). When talking to someone these items can be covered in less than a minute... I don't think the majority of my pals want a run down of how Maggie poos so for most Maggie topics less is more.... well that and I also don't want to become one of those moms that can't talk about anything but her baby.
So Im feeling a little out of touch with adults... like my Mom I crave adult interaction but once I am in it's presence... I have almost nothing to say. I don't really have an outlet or rather an inlet of other topics to converse about... unless it's on netflix instant download Im at a loss.
Some of this I think has been compounded by our public restrictions, I do have a bit of cabin fever. It's not too out of control, Im content most days watching a movie with my favorite little lady napping on my chest. I just wish I had more to say when I am graced with another person who can say more than just vowels.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The size I purchased are for babies up to 15 lbs, and the covers are for newborns up to 11 lbs. I knew I was going to have to go up a size and buy more covers as she got older.
Here is the wrench... By the time we left the hospital she was 11 lbs. So the diaper fits... just barely... the covers however... well they don't fit. Our baby girl is just bigger than we anticipated.
The contemplation begins... should we just get the next size covers for the next 4 lbs of her life... or should we start from scratch.
Since she seems to be growing pretty fast we bit the bullet and are starting from scratch. We bought FLIPS which are a product by Bumgenius. These diapers are a one size diaper... which means the diaper grows with the baby. It covers babies from 8 lbs to 35 lbs. I don't know what the average age of a baby is that weighs 35 lbs but I do know our infant car seat only goes up to 30 lbs so I think we have some time before she outgrows these cuties!
Her first visit was on October 27th a day shy of 6 weeks... She weighed 11 lbs 5 oz, Her length 23 1/4". Which puts her in the 96th percentile for her age. Hard to believe that out of 100 babies statistically there were only 4 babies bigger than our Maggie.
On her second visit which was November 10th a day shy of 8 weeks... She weighed 12 lbs 1 oz, her length 23 1/2". Which puts her in the 84th percentile for her age. So her time at home has slowed down her growth rate, which is good, we want her to be gaining weight but she doesn't have to be the biggest baby in town! Although the competitive part of me wants her to stay in the 96th percentile... in my head that is an "A" right!? But in reality where she ranks doesn't matter as long as she is healthy.
Which brings me to clothes...
We are transitioning already from the 0 to 3 month size to the 3 to 6 month size. I have attempted to put on many outfits with no luck she has already outgrown almost all of them! Although our Maggie is turning 2 months this week she just doesn't fit the clothes for that age. This makes me wonder why outfits are by age....they should be by weight. In my eyes she is just physically advanced!
Here are some photos of her in some of the outfits we received as gifts that don't fit already or are on there way out:
My parents were quite religious when I was younger and since Halloween is a pagan holiday we weren't allowed to take part of any part of it... if it was on a weekday... we didn't go to school that day. Once I reached adulthood, I dabbled in celebrating, but I always felt guilty for it. Yep guilty for dressing up and going to a party.
So when raising our daughter I have of course pondered whether to take part in this holiday or not. And I say "Bring on the Candy and leave the guilt behind". To Americans this holiday is no longer about it's pagan roots it is about dressing up and getting or giving candy... or maybe a good scare. There really is nothing to feel guilty about.
Here are some photos of our little chili pepper celebrating her first Halloween!
We had to test her costume on our unsuspecting pets first!
Ready to hit the streets!
While Maggie was in the hospital, we were parents during the day tending to her, sitting at her bedside, working with her "goals"; but at night it was just the two of us with no parental responsibilities. I kept a pumping schedule through out the night so I got up twice a night to pump but that only took half an hour in hindsight this was a drop in the bucket compared to tending to a baby in the middle of the night. Our nights were like we never had a baby, but at the same time all of our conversations were about Maggie our baby. We were parents in waiting if you will.
Bringing Maggie home was an exciting and quite chaotic day. I thought we were prepared but we were far from it. Before her birth I had done all this prepping and organizing... well 6 weeks later we just weren't organized anymore... some of it was due to the time lapse but a lot of it was when I organized I didnt know how our days would be spent so things were set up in an inefficient manner. As you can imagine this disorganization mixed with our insecurities of having her on our own made it for an intense first couple hours!
You will be happy to know we survived! And like all parents, we have started to figure it all out. Tomorrow we will be 3 weeks in to having her home and everyday she teaches us something new. With all that said, I still can't believe we are parents! It's a title that will take some getting used to. I just can't believe we are grown up enough to raise another human being... heck I still can't believe my body created another person... I can't tell you how many times Seana and I have looked at her and said " wow she is a person". Some how stating the obvious doesn't seem to capture our awe at this feat and it doesn't make it more real... because for now it all feels surreal. I wonder when it will all finally sink in.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
1. She has thrown all our plans out the window. Including using all the cloth diapers we bought. She was so big when she was born and now she is 11 pounds 6 ounces that she never fit in her cloth diapers or a huge stack of new born clothes
2. She already eats 3-4 ounces a feeding
3. She is independent and cries if she wants to be put down so she can watch her "animals" which is a mobile above her crib.
4. She already smiles, coos, interacts with you and tries to grab things. She can also hold her head up.
5. She lights up when Melissa talks to her - which melts my heart
6. She seems to have bad dreams once in awhile and wakes up crying from them. I think she remembers bad stuff from the hospital
7. She loves to lounge on the changing table and smiles off into space.
8. She "huffs and puffs" almost pants when she is about to throw a fit over something. It is like an early warning system.
9. She is wearing 3-6 month clothes already.
10. Her hair seems to be changing from brown to redish blonde. But it still naturally makes a mohawk. Which I love.
One. The day you say to yourself "Surely they won't release her today:" is the day they will in fact release her. And you will be stuck at work begging an ex employee for a ride to the hospital. I considered hitch hiking, but I figured that was not the best solution.
Two. Regardless of how many hours you have spent tending to your child in a hospital, nothing can prepare you for the chaos of having them at home. First there was the dogs incessant whining because they wanted us to put the new "puppy" on the ground for inspection. Then there was the fact you have no nurses to pawn the baby off to when you are tired and want to sleep. And lastly there is the wonderful truth that the baby is yours to keep.
What I have learned so far
1. Maggie likes the changing table. When she is cranky, I can change her diaper and she is happy. Even if the diaper is clean.
2. Three hours of nonstop crying can be erased by 1 minute of her smiling.
3. Having her on home restrictions for 8 weeks makes us both a little stir crazy
4. I find myself wanting to make more money at work so I can save for her school, buy her baby supplies and yes ... get a baby sitter now and then.
5. I have no idea how to put a baby on a schedule,. But I do know Maggie knows how to throw any schedule I have made out the window.
6. Without Melissa, I have no idea how I would survive this transition. She has been amazing and it just makes me love her more that she gave us the gift of a family. I am truly blessed.
Now pray for us as tomorrow is Maggie's first set of shots. Oh boy.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
She is fully weaned off all medication, eating great and is currently tube and line free!!
They discharged her yesterday afternoon with a clean bill of health!
We were instructed to keep her out of public places for the next 6 to 8 weeks, so life at home will still be a juggle but we are so happy we have finally gotten her home!
This is our last update!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
PROGRESS: There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Meds-Maggie has been coping okay with the Morphine wean, she only has two more weans to go!!! The next one will be changing when she gets her morphine from every 12 hrs to every 24hrs. They attempted to change this yesterday but her withdrawals symptoms shot up like crazy so they went ahead and kept to the 12hr schedule. They will re-attempt tomorrow. After the 24 hr wean, the next step is off!! YAY!!
Feeding- Maggie is excelling, the lactation consultant called her "Brilliant"! We went from doing 3 bottles a day and me attempting breast, to today where everything changed....4 breastfeeds a day, with the nursing staff doing bottle when I am not here, the NG Tube is out of her nose for the time being. If she does well over the next couple days... NO MORE TUBE FEEDING!!!! She has been doing awesome with the breastfeeding and my nipples are feeling it... I thought they would be conditioned with all the pumping but I feel a bit sore. It's an absolute dream!
Our Dr. today said that maybe Sunday we would be going home.... this of course all depends on Maggie and how she continues to do on weaning. We are very hopeful that this is our last week living the hospital life.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
PROGRESS: Happy Birthday to Maggie she is 1 month old today! We were transferred this week to IU-Hospital, which is just down the block from Riley Chilidren's Hospital. Our little girl is no longer a high risk case and can now hang out with less sick babies in a Special Care Unit! The new digs are nice, it's a newer facility so it is more asthetically pleasing to the eye;t he staff more layed back; the food still not tasty for Mommy!
Meds-Her Central line has been gone for about a week now, and she is fairing well with her wean. The staff has toyed around with it a little to see if she can take a more aggressive approach... to which Maggie said NO to. So they went back to her schedule I had mentioned in my last update. Yesterday, our new Dr. approached me about trying a different method. She thought that maybe we could be a little more aggressive with the Morphine wean, but not wean her off versed until we are home. That way we are only weaning one drug at a time, which could help her get home faster! I like the idea, and so we are trying it out.
Feeding- Well this continues to be an adventure, as of the beginning of this past week Speech had re-evaluated both breast and bottle, and we are still on the bottle, she is still aspirating on the breast. Yesterday, we had issues with her aspirating on the bottle. So our new Dr. and our new lactation consultant and I discussed some options... The Dr. at IU is willing to have her just have oral feeds 3 times a day... it can be breast or bottle. Lactation wants me to try breast with a nipple shield to see if that helps slow the flow of milk a little bit, a long with some different holding positions. So this weekend I am tasked with non nutritive breast feeding with the new holds and skin to skin time and then Monday we are going to try breastfeeding with a nipple shield. Maggie has struggled with getting her volumes up so Seana and I will be trained on NG Tube placement and feeding so that she can go home with a feeding tube if need be.
Oxygen-Good Bye Nasal Canula, HELLO room air! On Tuesday this week Maggie decided she was done with the oxygen and pulled her nasal canula off, her stats stayed stable so the staff decided to leave it off and see how she did....SHE DID GREAT! This was also the day of her feeding evaluation so they decided to put it back on so that they weren't affecting one with the other... after both her evaluations were done (one was on tuesday and one was on wednesday) they took off her nasal canula and she has been breathing with no assistance ever since!! YAY!!! Goal Accomplished!
NEW GOAL: Work on feeding and get volumes up orally, Wean off Morphine and then wean off Versed at home
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I am so thankful, and so in love with Maggie. Her health has improved by leaps and bounds, when I look at her I forget how sick she was and how she still is healing.
Looking back the last four weeks have been very hard. It's hard to not be living the reality I had imagined for the past 9 months. It hurts that we didn't experience the birth we had envisioned. I had wanted a waterbirth at home with lots of bonding time with our newborn baby. Instead I experienced a hospital c-section with 45 minutes of being able to look at my baby and touch her but not hold her before she was flown to another hospital. I then spent 2 days in a different hospital without seeing her. Once released, my visits with her were hard, all I wanted was to hold her and love on her and I could only look at her and occasionally touch her, I had to wait a week before I could hold her. Seeing her everyday on all those machines broke my heart time and time again.
This experience was far from what I wanted, and I feel robbed, I feel a sense of loss when I think about it. I think I just want to say that out loud. In my heart I know Maggie deserved a much better start at life than what she has gotten. I want to give her warmth, comfort, love and security, she should have gotten that immediately after being born. Im sorry that she was poked and prodded instead.
Even now, everyday is a challenge as we wait for her to heal and progress to a state that she can come home with us and thrive. The commute is wearing, as is the hospital itself. There is no escaping the worry and the wondering. But one look at Maggie and I know it is all worth it.
Im so happy that she can now be held, and I want to hold her all the time, I feel like all the time I spend holding her now makes up for all the time in that first week I couldn't hold her.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I am sure I will find something useful to do in between napping and blowing my nose. All I know is I can't wait until I am better and can hold my sweet girl again. And hug Melissa without both of us holding our breaths. ;)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
PROGRESS: Maggie is still doing awesome!
Meds-The bigs news is that they changed her drug intake from IV to oral! This means that she doesn't need her central line IV anymore... YAY for less tubes!!!!! They did the switch to oral a few days ago and monitored how she handled the change. Yesterday they weined her off them for the first time since changing to oral meds. She seemed to be fine with it yesterday, we will see how she is managing today! Her central line was scheduled to be taken out last night so hopefully when I get there today this will be done.
Feeding- She is sucking, swallowinig and breathing on the breast, and she has taken to it like a champ, however, the hospital feels that she is aspirating (breathing in some of the milk) during the feeds. Her respiratory rate spikes from time to time during her feeding and usually at the rate she is breathing aspiration is very likely. So they have ordered that we switch to bottle with my breastmilk thickened by rice so she can practice. The Dr has discussed this with us and is working towards our goal of exclusively breastfeeding, but we have to get Maggie past this hump. So we will bottle feed her the thickened milk, once she gets to taking her full feeding this way with no respiratory issues, we will thin the milk and move back to breast.
Oxygen-Over the weekend they made a change to her oxygen intake. She has been unable to go down to room air, so they changed the strategy. They have her on a 100% oxygen with a 1/2 liter of flow with the intention of shutting off the flow. The thought being that we can possibly take her home sitll on oxygen if they haven't been able to wein her off by the time the meds are weined. The Dr. is confident this is not going to be the scenario as we still have 3 weeks of drug weining scheduled out. During this time thy are still going to work on weining her off the oxygen its just a different way of approaching it.
THEY GAVE US A DATE! The Dr let us know yesterday that her current tentative discharge date is October 25th! Which seems like forever away... but I know it will go by fast! The Dr also feels that Maggie has been handling the weining off the medication really well, and its possible that if they can be a little more aggressive and Maggie handles it well our discharge date will be sooner!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
CURRENT GOAL: She is working on increasing her feeding amounts, going down on oxygen, and getting weined off Morphine and Versed.
PROGRESS: Maggie is still doing awesome!
She had a day of rest on Tuesday the 28th, where they didn't change anything. The Dr. felt like they had been pushing her quite a bit to progress and she met their challenge but needed a day to just be.
Yesterday and today, they dropped her meds by 10 milograms or whatever the measurement is.... She has been handling the drop in medication very well, with pretty much no withdrawal symptoms.
She is on 1 liter for her vaporizer nasal canula, her oxygen level is at about 30% so she just has a little bit to go. They attempted to put her on room air yesterday but she seemed to not be quite ready for that just yet.
We have made a lot of progress in her feeding, yesterday we started doing non-nutritive breastfeeding. This is where I pump right before her feeding, and then while she is getting tube fed we work on getting her to latch on and possibly suck. We got to do this for three of her feeding yesterday and she did great! On the last feeding we think she even got a little milk and swallowed it down just fine.
Today we got to go a step further, I still get to do the non-nutritive but I also get to do a nutritive feeding, which is breastfeeding essentially. I have to pump off an ounce of milk before we start so she doesnt get too much milk to start out with, and then I let her latch on and suck for about 20 minutes. Once she has finished we supplement her feeding with breastmiilk through her tube. Today she took about 5 ml from the breast, so she had 75 ml through the tube.
You may be wondering how we measure how much she takes from breast, well it is not an exact science but they can use a syringe with her feeding tube to pull up what is in her tummy before and after to measure. Which is kind of crazy to see, and you gotta wonder what that feels like but Maggie doesn't seem to mind!
That is all of the updates we have for now! She is getting lots of love and snuggle time, and we have been moved to an almost private room since we are trying to introduce her to breastfeeding!
The process now feels a lot slower in comparsion to the huge hurdles she has overcome this week. They have gone up in the amount of breast milk she is given each feeding, we have also started dipping a pacifier in milk while she is being fed through the tube and attempting to get her to suck on it so that she can learn to associate full belly to sucking. Since she went over a week with no food she has lost the instinct to eat.... there are 3 functions that she has to learn to put together these are suck, swallow and breathe. The nurse said that most babies pick up 2 out of 3 fairly quickly and struggle just with one.
They have been slowly cutting back on the Morphine and Versed, We did see some withdrawal symptoms yesterday, she had some shakes.
They have also turned down her oxygen intake.
Monday, September 27, 2010
PROGRESS: Maggie is doing awesome! The process now feels a lot slower in comparsion to the huge hurdles she has overcome this week. They have gone up in the amount of breast milk she is given each feeding, we have also started dipping a pacifier in milk while she is being fed through the tube and attempting to get her to suck on it so that she can learn to associate full belly to sucking. Since she went over a week with no food she has lost the instinct to eat.... there are 3 functions that she has to learn to put together these are suck, swallow and breathe. The nurse said that most babies pick up 2 out of 3 fairly quickly and struggle just with one.
They have been slowly cutting back on the Morphine and Versed, We did see some withdrawal symptoms yesterday, she had some shakes.
They have also turned down her oxygen intake.
That is all we have now! I have to run to change a diaper YAY!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
PROGRESS: We had another great day! Maggie is off the regular ventillator and off the dopamine! She also had her first day of successful tubefeeding!!
They have stopped doing "as needed" doses of Morphine and Versid. Now she is just given a specified amount at scheduled times. Tomorrow they will begin cutting back her doses. The nurse did inform us that tomorrow we may start seeing withdrawal symptoms.
NEW GOAL: Now that she is successfully breathing on her own, the next step is to get her to where she doesn't need the oxygen tubes (Nasal Canula I think that is the medical term for them). These tubes have oxygen flowing through them that has also been humidified and warmed. She is breathing on her own, this just enriches the air she is breathing. She will need to be slowly weined off of this as well.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
PROGRESS: Well I feel like we have hit a turbo button! Maggie is off the Nitric Oxide Machine as of yesterday afternoon. With the removal of that machine they were also able to remove the arterial IV line that went into her belly button. With its removal, we were able to finally hold her!! So last night Seana and I both got to hold her, it was the best day so far this week! We also were able to dress her for the first time! I really enjoyed them removing all the machinery from around her bed... We are down to just two machines by her bedside the ventillator and the medicine dosing machine thing.
In order to introduce Maggie to food they have to get her off the blood pressure medicine she is taking, which is dopamine. Yesterday they attempted to remove it but Maggie wasn't having it. So they turned it back on, it is on a really low setting. They will be trying again today. Once she is off the dopamine, they will introduce her tummy to the colustrum I pumped. It will have to be tube fed to her to begin with as the tube for the ventillator impedes feeding orally.
In addition to dopamine she is also on Morphine and Versid (excuse the spelling) these have been given to her as needed, so over the past week she has built up a tolerance for them and Morphine is highly addictive so as she continues to get more healthy they will be slowly weining her off these drugs. They will do this with care to minimize any withdrawals. I know that she is on some other drugs but these are the 3 biggies.
NEW GOAL: In addition to introducing food to her, a new goal for Maggie is to get off the current ventillator she is on which will allow her to breath on her own!
PROGRESS: They have already begun working on this goal, as of last night her oxygen intake on the respirator was around 35%. The nurse last night said this will probably only take a couple days, as the oxygen level in the air we breathe is around 21%! This will be a huge step in progress! By getting her off this ventillator the tube down her throat will be removed and one less machine will be by her bedside.
We are so proud of our little girl, and so thankful for all of your prayers! God has really been working on healing our Maggie!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
PROGRESS: She has turned the corner!!!!! They took her off the oscillator today! She is now on a regular ventillator. Over last night they slowly notched her oxygen levels down so that today's changes were possible! We are ecstatic!
NEW GOAL: Taking her off of the Nitric Oxide machine, and weining her off the regular ventillator and all the medicine that has helped keep her comfortable and stable. We also would like to introduce her to food over this next week.
PROGRESS: They have cut her Nitric Oxide intake in half twice. She started at 20, yesterday they cut that down to 11 and now today she is at 5. The nurse said that once they get to 5, they do a countdown approach instead of cutting in half approach. So the countdown to one has started today. The nurse is optimistic that she will be off the Nitirc Oxide by tomorrow sometime.
Maggie is on several different types of medication which they will now start dialing down. Some will take longer than others for her to come off of. For example, Morphine, she has been given morphine to help make her a little more comfortable through the healing process. Morphine is an addictive drug so now as she continues to get healthy they will have to carefully cut back her intake so she will not be affected by withdrawals.
Currently Maggie is given nutrients through a drip, as she progresses in the areas mentioned above, the nurse said that they can start introducing her tummy to food. As long as she is on a ventillator we for obvious reasons can't bottle or breast feed her. I have been faithfully pumping since about an hour or so after her birth. All of the colostrum and milk I have pumped is currently frozen and being stored at Riley. This next week we are hoping to use my supply to start tube feeding her so that her body can get accustom to processing milk.
We feel truly blessed that so much has happened over the past 24 hours! God has been answering our prayers and the differences we see in her is so amazing!!!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
GOAL: This weeks goal is for Maggie to be taken off the oscillator and put on a regular ventillator. In order to do this they need to be able to turn down the amount of oxygen she needs while the rest of her stats remain stable.
PROGRESS: As of last night, they were able to turn down her oxygen to 64%, it was previously at 82%, which is great news! Today they will monitor her stats and hopefully she will maintain the levels she is at. They were also able to turn down her blood pressure medication as she seems to be able to maintain a higher blood pressure which is also good news.
These are small steps of progress, which we are so blessed to see! Maggie is getting better on her own timeline, she is still 3 to 4 weeks out from being released from the hospital. But everyday is another blessing and we are so proud of her progress!
I will give you a brief overview of my labor....
I went into labor Tuesday night, at like 1130pm, with my water breaking and it having some meconium staining in it. It was straw colored, which meant it was older and nothing to cause much concern. However, it meant the baby should be monitered a lot more closely. I immediately chose to labor in the tub 1) because I wanted a water birth and 2) Once your water breaks your contractions are more painful, the sac and amniotic fluid typically work as a cushion which I now was without.
So began my long labor, I went into active hard labor where I was actually pushing during 3 separate occasions, each with periods of rest in between and attempts to get the baby in a better position and my cervix to give way as there was a little lip of cervix that just didnt want to let go. So the baby would start to descend during the active pushing and then she would rescend right back up, each time losing all pushing progress achieved.
By Thursday morning at 3 am, I was exhausted, Seana was exhausted, we had an additional midwife on site assisting, and my chiropractor had come in the middle of the night to adjust my hips in hopes it would help get the baby to move down and stay down. Which unfortunatly didn't work.
So the time had come, It was recommended I go to the hospital to get an epidural so I could get some much needed rest, and hopefully the baby the time it needed to descend. We packed up and headed out, we ended up going to Ball Memorial in Muncie because the assisting midwife knew a Dr. there that was very open to home births and would not give us grief for not being at the hospital to begin with. She notified him that we were coming and we were on our way.
Upon our arrival, we skipped admittance and were sent to a room after just a couple questions. The Dr. came in and immediatly put C-Section on the table as a possibility. This being because how long it had been since my water broke and the fact there was meconium present in the fluid. He was however, open to let us try the epidural-rest-pitocin-vaginal birth option but would let us know if that option was no longer available.
The epidural was a Godsend, I slept finally. They introduced pitocin.... and everything changed. Our baby's heart rate was decelerating and I began leaking new fresh meconium... a sign that the baby was in distress. They shut off the pitocin but it had little affect.
Cesarean Section became absolute. Within 5 minutes I was prepped and they were cutting in. In the next moment Maggie was with us, she was whisked over to be cleaned and checked. She had inhaled and ingested meconium, and they immediately moved her to NICU, Seana went with her. I was then stitched up and put into a recovery room to wait. Our little girl was born and just in time.
As I recovered, Maggie struggled, and they soon had to put her on a respirator to help her breathe. As she fought, the decision was made that she would have to be flown to Riley Children's Hospital.
My heart broke. They assured me I would get to see her before she was moved, and with that they wheeled my bed right into the NICU. There she was. My baby, I could hardly see her with all the machines hooked up to her. I touched her hands, and arms; her cheek and her hair. I stayed by her side until they had her transferred onto the machines for the flight for life. It was the best 45 minutes of the day. Then she was off to the best pediatric hospital in the United States.
The hospital Staff at Ball Memorial were great. They were very understanding and sensitive. The Dr. gave me the option to leave earlier than normal given our situation. I declined, I knew that Maggie was in good hands, and I needed to take care of myself so that I could take care of her as soon as allowed. I was released 2 days after the surgery, and have been recovering quickly. I have gotten to go visit Maggie everyday since coming home.
Here are Maggie's Stats:
Date of Birth: Sept. 16th, 2010
Time: 12:59 PM
Weight: 9 lbs 8 ozs
Length: 21 1/2 inches
Her condition is called Meconium Aspiration syndrome. She is still considered to be critical but in stable condition. They estimate that she will remain in the NICU at Riley's Children Hospital for 3 to 4 more weeks.
We ask everyone to pray and send positive thoughts to our baby girl as she battles through.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Well it’s Friday and Melissa has already passed her first due date (remember the various Drs have given us three different dates). Today is her “second” due date. I can’t help but feel giddy at the possibility that I could meet one of my new favorite people this weekend. I am so excited I can barely contain myself. Every time I schedule a meeting for work next week I think “Will I be able to make that meeting or will I be on leave with Melissa and the baby”. It will be a whole new experience.
Will I miss lazy Sundays sleeping in and spending my day with just Melissa - of course, but I know that loss of lazy Sundays comes with a gift. I really am excited to get to be a part of someone else’s life in such a way that I never have before. I get to watch this little girl grow into whatever she will. God has a plan for her and I get to be a part of that plan – whatever that may mean.
Now when I call my mom she won’t automatically assume I need a copy of one of her recipes or I need cooking help. We have a whole new experience to share – what a treat.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
So after the bath, Melissa was feeling better and we went back to bed at about 5am. Got to sleep in until 11. And today ... that's right ... I took a nap. You know why? Because I could .... and well because I was tired.
Friday, September 3, 2010
I am fully educated for what the “warning signs” of labor look like. I have a flow chart in my head for validating Melissa’s pains. Kind of looks like this
1. Cramps ? = Yes go to 2.
2. Are they painful? = Yes go to 3
3. Are they consistent? =Yes go to 4
4. Are the increasing in frequency? = Yes go 5
5. Has Melissa asked out loud why we decided to get pregnant? = Yes Call Midwives
It is much longer than this and includes a section on Active Labor and Transition labor. So last night Melissa had quite a few cramp like pains. After this went on for about 2 hours, we finally went to bed and she is feeling better today.
So what is interesting to me is I feel totally prepared for her to go into labor mentally, but I don’t think I am emotionally truly prepared to watch one of my most loved people go through pain that I cannot fix. I haven’t had to do that before and I am both excited and freaked out of my mind. I am sure she feels the same way. I do have total confidence in Melissa and our birth team. MJ is a trooper and I believe she can do this and I plan to be the best coach I can be.
So that’s the update. Pack your bags grandparents … we may be seeing you soon.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
So I read a ton of stuff early on in pregnancy that frankly scared the crap out of me. The books talked about how “crazy” pregnant women are. How they are snappy and demanding. How they have crazy cravings and do weird “nesting” things like obsessively clean grout and dusting baseboard. I have heard friend stories of women peeing themselves while sneezing, crying over nothing, wanting to eat random foods together.
So now that I have seen 38 weeks of pregnancy, I thought I would compare how MJ has been. Plus I thought the Queen Bean may enjoy reading about how her mom was while pregnant ( I know I like it when my mom talks about me).
1. Morning sickness – early on, Melissa needed to eat … often. She would feel sick if her stomach ever got empty so she ate often. Before pregnancy, she would say things like “I am getting hungry” and that meant I still had time to shower before we went to eat. Not in her first trimester – she would say “I am getting hungry” and I would be grabbing my coat to take her to eat. She never threw up. She just made sure she ate even when she did not want to.
2. Cravings – in the first trimester, MJ wanted hot wings and lots of them. I can’t remember how many times we had hot wings – but it was a lot. Randomly in the 2nd trimester, MJ wanted pickles. We had the same jar of pickles for like a year and it never was opened. Suddenly she wanted pickles. Then came the ice cream. First it was a small bowl – two scoops. Soon I was scooping a big heaping bowl every night. Then in the third trimester it has been buffalo chicken sandwiches. (I bet as MJ reads this she will want one) ;). There have only been two instances of food items she had to have. One was a meat sandwich that she actually blogged about and the other was a pie that we immediately went to the store for. Not bad if you ask me.
3. Attitude. Melissa has been great. There was only a two week stint where she was snappy. Since then, I think she has done very well. She gets frustrated sometimes because she can’t do everything she wants without getting tired. Or – right now- she is tired of eating every two hours or so. I can understand that. It is hard for a very hard worker to not be able to physically do everything on the “to do” list. I think all in all she has been great
4. Nesting – no obsessive behavior as of yet. She would like the blue chair put up in the nursery, but that is about it.
5. Peeing herself – happy to report that this has not been an issue.
So there you have it. We have come a long way since New Years Eve and a little pink line. I am excited about getting to hold my girl. Can’t wait!
Friday, August 27, 2010
I had no idea how long it had been since I had a night off until I realized two things. 1. I rented "Rear Window" 4 weeks ago and I finally got to watch it this week. It is the only TV show I have watched.
2. I had no idea the weeds on the side of the house were waist high because I hadn't been in my own yard for that long!!!
MJ has been holding down the fort. She has forgone some items off her house list to help me plow through mine. Without her, I would have at least quit school by now and I am pretty sure run away from a training class I had last week. So this weekend is a much earned reward where I actually get to participate in doing some last house items until the Queen Bean gets here.
I never thought I would be so about being able to wash a car so I could put a car seat in it ...