Friday, September 18, 2009

7/10ths of an hour? Is that possible?

Today was my call with the lawyer. You know ... the one we put the baby plans on hold for.

The morning got off to a rough start. MJ hurt her neck and couldn't really move. It is a good thing she didn't get inseminated yesterday otherwise she couldn't have taken all those muscle relaxers today to help with her neck.

Because of MJ's ailment, I had a call with the lawyer instead of a face-to-face meeting, which was fine with me. He is a nice guy - he specializes in surrogacy, but helps people like us too and he taught me some very interesting things.

In Colorado law, there is a fundamental legal difference between assisted reproduction and adoption. If MJ and I create a contract before conception saying the baby wouldn't even exist unless we intended to have the child together, then I can file a prebirth parentage action. This action would allow me to be legally named the second parent BEFORE the child is born. Plus I wouldn't have to do a home study or background check and I would have rights to the child while still in womb. Now this all assumes the judge allows the action - which according to the lawyer, he/she should.

If we had conceived first and then written the contract, then my only choice would be adoption. BTW I should be thankful even for that because some states (namely Florida) do not allow gays to adopt at all. Bastards.

Apparently there is a law that may be passed in Colorado that would change the assisted reproduction law to more of an adoption type law where home studies and such would be required. Hopefully we can get pregnant before that happens. And my question really is why? Why make people undergoing assisted reproduction have to do a home study / background check? They don't make birth parents go through anything - and they shouldn't.

Anyway - so while talking to the lawyer I was feeling pretty good until we started talking money. He kept saying things like 'Your situation is much easier than surrogacy", "the contract will be pretty simple" etc. I was starting to think this whole thing would be reasonably priced.

$750 for the contract and it would be another $750 to $1000 for the court proceedings!!! Holy crap that is a lot. $2000! He did say "Since we didn't take the whole hour I will only charge you 7/10ths". I was thinking "if you go 45 minutes do they charge you 7/10ths or 8/1oths?" Who knows. All I know is that adoption is about $2500 as well. So no matter what we chose it will cost us $2000-2500 to adopt a baby that if we were married would just be ours. Frustrating.

So tally for baby - $2950 for sperm, $20 a doctor visit for MJ (luckily MJ's insurance covers the procedures otherwise we would have $500 a Dr visit), $350 for counselor. Yikes! Maybe we should have served pigs in a blanket at the wedding to save some money. :)

Truth is that any child would be awesome and worth every penny. I just like to complain. So as I write a check to the lawyer I say 'Thank you grandma for giving me the money to adopt a child." And then I smile knowing she would be happy about that.

Take Aways
1. If you and your partner want to have a child, check with a lawyer and have a contract drawn BEFORE conception. It may save you time and heartache later
2. Check your state laws, there may be a difference between assisted reproduction laws and adoption laws.
3. Save money before you decide to get pregnant. Cause it isn't the cheapest thing to do.
4. Move out of Florida - cause they don't like "the gays"

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