Thursday, March 31, 2011

A moment

Over the past day I have been heavy in thought and Im just going to type what I feel...

We have some friends who just had triplets at 26 weeks and they are going to be in the NICU for the next couple months at the least. They keep coming up in my mind, how they must be feeling, what challenges they will face and what can I do to help...

The truth is we don't know them that well, I consider them new friends, which I have a few of these days since we have only been in Indiana a little over a year. It takes me a while to crack open to new people anyway and meeting for a lunch once or twice is hardly the basis of a strong friendship...It is a start of one and that is where we are at the start. We have some things in common the big one which the straight world may consider common ground is they are gay and married too... They too have chosen to raise a child in an unconventional family. I think of my friends and all we have in common and I can think of a lot more... but that is why we are at the start of our friendship...

Well now we have NICU in common, the circumstances are nothing the same. Maggie was no preemie she was quite the opposite, she had a very bad case of meconium aspiration and pulmonary hypertension. The challenges their babies have to face are going to be different than what Maggie had to overcome.

Regardless of the difference I feel like they are feeling a lot of what Seana and I felt. They didn't get the easy pregnancy or the easy beginning... And that is very frustrating. I remember thinking how unfair it was that our baby couldn't just go home with us and that her birth wasn't all rainbows and smiles. It was fraught with worry, concern, and fear, every moment I was just happy she was alive... she was still alive. I also remember before I got to see her once she was transferred to Riley that part of me didn't want to see her. I wanted to convince myself that not seeing her would make it hurt less if she didn't make it. Well that very thought is what made me realize that I already was so in love with her that regardless of whether I saw her or not it was going to hurt and if I didn't see her it would also be the biggest regret of my life.

Seeing our baby so helpless and so frail did hurt but watching her improve from one day to the next was worth going there everyday. I couldn't believe how much I felt for her and I just wanted to be near her, with her, supporting her as she got better. Everyday held its own challenges and it was a difficult road but the truth is since she was our first, we didn't know any other reality.

I know with Kelly and Kristen they had anticipated a NICU stay, but no one anticipated it starting this soon. They have a lot of challenges ahead, Being in the NICU you get your own set of milestones to go by. Knowing what I felt, I think they may be enduring triple the worry, triple the concern and triple the fear. And my thoughts have been going back to them quite a bit, every thought of them I send a little prayer. I pray for comfort and strength and I pray for little wins and that their next milestone is right around the corner. Most of all I pray they find joy in their own situation. They do have so much to be joyful for and every passing moment is a celebration.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel hon. I dont know if you know, but I too had a micro-preemie. Anthony was born at 24 weeks. After 3 days of more trials than anyone should go through, and we decided to stop life support. My hardest dession that I ever had to make. But his soul already left, and it was time to let his body rest. He was 1 lb 10.9 oz, 14 inches long. So my heart goes out to all parents that ever have their babies in NICUs or ever had preemies, I always want a better outcome than ours, but I do know how it feels when it doesnt. Anyways, thanks hon for the info. Big huggz to you and your family.

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